Dear
readers,
The idea
with the blog began like a joke, nothing serious but the more I think about it,
the more serious it gets. It pleases me very much to express myself by writing,
trying to find the “something more” in the exchange exactly here. I have yet a
lot to learn – whether to think about the length of the posts, or to look for
ways to make my writing both interesting and not too burdening. Honestly, I am
kind of happy that my progress in writing (and blogging) could be followed
here. Here, where also part of my personal development during the exchange
could be followed.
Today I
would like to pay attention to the phenomenon “culture shock”, my attitude
towards this “label”, how does it influence me and the ways I try to cope with
it. Firstly, I would like to express my gratitude towards Ms. Petya Piryova,
who has been my teacher in German in the past four years. Without noticing (and
with a lot of complaints of course) we, her “unfortunate” students, managed to
learn how to express a solid opinion with the necessary arguments. I am not
joking when I say that this has helped me a lot mainly outside of school. This
way the discussions and the communication as a whole are immensely eased.
So… What
exactly is the culture shock? I personally didn’t know until I asked “aunt”
Wikipedia (“aunt” Wikipedia and “uncle” Google!). I also thought that it
shouldn’t affect me because the cultural differences between Bulgaria and
Sweden shouldn’t be as big as these for example between Sweden and China.
Simply put, culture shock occurs when one gets tired of having to think about
all of the new things that continue to surround him/her. As exchange students
we think all the time about almost everything, trying to assimilate, analyze
and etc. Then comes the moment when one gets simply fed up with it. According
to the explanation of the term, this is followed by decreasing the willingness
to be active in the present surrounding – school, family and to learn the
language. One starts thinking how much better it is in his/her country where
one doesn’t have to think about every little thing.
Honestly, I
cannot really explain why I react this way but when I heard about that, at
first I was like “Gosh, another label and another way for someone to tell me
what to do with my life!” Apparently this – someone telling me what to do – is
kind of a sore subject for me even if the pieces of advice that I get can
actually be in my benefit. In this case, after this first reaction, I realized
that there is an actual reason for YFU to write in their monthly newsletter about it.
As much as I would to be unique, perfect and mostly above all of these things,
I had to put up with the reality – I am not. Honestly this (my desire to be
above it all) occurs in almost all of the aspects of my life. To confess – I
still cannot figure the whole picture out – how is it (the “culture shock”)
going to influence me and where it will take me. While I was trying to
understand my attitude towards things here and while trying to find my place in
school and the new family, some quite important changes happened in my private life, things with people in Bulgaria. The whole time I have been with the one
foot here, in Sweden, and with the other one in Bulgaria in the search of the
balance between the two “me”. Still it is a fact that there have been rapid
changes in my mood. Changes that occur by the smallest things (in a different
way than the changes by the raging hormones!) and for which there were no
logical explanation. In the end, the people who took all of that damage were
the ones that are closest to me. Another symptom, they say, is frequent crying.
I wouldn’t call mine frequent but it didn’t go without as well.
My explanation
to why I cannot explain it all (explain-ception), is simple – I’m still on that
phase. Only after one has “escaped the storm”, one is able to understand it. However,
I know and I believe that step by step it will happen. My impulse to find the
solution to the problem right away or to accept one small victory (for example,
having one day in so to speak stable emotional condition) as the final victory,
is being pacified. I think that this is one of the biggest lessons that I am
learning. It may seem obvious but, you know, there are some things that you know
that are true but you have to go through it to realize it. In the meantime I notice
how I start getting out of the “shell”, in which everyone goes when facing new “life”
(so to speak). I start getting back to some details of my daily routine which I
considered unnecessary and which I can easily neglect. For instance, I started making
jasmine tea to drink in school like I used to the last school year. Then again,
sometimes I like spending time by the lake that is besides my school where the
shore is sandy. The shore is relatively small but it takes only one glimpse to in a nice memory. From time to time I go there, sit and close
my eyes and I imagine that I am at the beach in Burgas. I imagine
that the wind that is caressing my face is actually salty. I imagine that in a minute
my best friend, Gergana, will come and will ask me to go to a cafe because she
is too cold. Furthermore, I realize the immense role that the music can have. This is one of the
most effective ways to recall a nice memory from Bulgaria. Also, sometimes
exactly the music makes the difference if you start depressing because
you are alone in a big house or you rather start dancing and singing exactly
because there is no one around. Along with all those things I start making new habits.
One of the biggest is to actually eat breakfast in the mornings. In the past
years I have been eating breakfast either for a week or so or when we have been
on a vacation with breakfast included. It’s not like it is forbidden to eat
breakfast in my family, I just didn’t want to. As for now, if someone tells me
that I won’t be able to eat the usual piece of bread with butter, Swedish DILLkaviar
and cheese, I would freak out (exaggerating here but you get the point). Sometimes
the only thing that can get me out of bed is the knowledge that I will eat my
breakfast with a big cup of coffee.
As a
conclusion, I am about to share kind of a “mechanism” which I found useful when
dealing with some inner issues or something that bothers me and I cannot define it right away. I try to pay
attention to some small things that I know for sure are going to distract me
from what is happening in my head (a cup of tea/coffee, an aroma candle, some
stupid romantic movies, exercising). When you get distracted from the “pressing” matter not
only you can feel an idea better but also you don’t let your conscious self bring you down for no reason. The answers don't usually come right away, rather when they have to. Even concentrating on something different (like
trying to come up with ways to diverse my writing skills) helps. Moreover, I recall
something that we, the exchange students from Bulgaria, were told from YFU
Bulgaria. They said that there are no wrong decisions. Something that I started
learning on the drawing lessons that I have been attending in the past three
years. You know the fear when you start something new that if you make a
mistake, it will be the end of all? Yeah, and I felt the same way with my
drawings – I know what I want to do but I am scared that I will mess it up. At first,
I was thinking “Well, I think that the teacher will help me do it the right way
even if I screw it”. After that I started thinking “Hmm, I think that even I myself
can do it. If the teacher can, why not me?”. This is how I came to the
conclusion that there are very few things that are unfix-able. In the case with the “messed-up” drawings, you
can always, for example, apply one more layer of oil pastel. Or if you cannot now, you can do
it tomorrow (sometimes there are too much layers already and they
have to dry). Or you can try peeling the layer you don’t like with your
fingernails. Or if you cannot do any of this, you can always start a new
drawing. The difference this time is that you know where you made a mistake and
you will come up with an idea to avoid it next time. In some cases exactly the “mistake”
that you made, can become the starting point of an idea much bigger and more
interesting than the one you had. Simply put – to make an advantage of a
disadvantage.
PS. Any
kind of comments are most welcome! I would like to know what you think about
the topics, the posts and the blog as a whole. As a strong self-critic I welcome
criticism as well ^^
